If It’s Not Good, Then It’s Not Over!
Oh wow. It has been a while and when I tell you life has lifed lol. BUT GOD…
As most people know, I made the decision to move about 1,000 miles away from home earlier this year and when I tell you, baby (bay-beeee), I had the vision of what things would look like and how life would beautifully come together in this new chapter. Chile, but then I prayed a prayer and baby the prayer, prayer-ed lol. I asked God in this season of my life to use my life as a way to bless and impact those connected to me. At that time, I was thinking that, you know, working with kids and engaging within the community would allow my gifts to bring forth meaningful change and an increase in my finances would allow me to have more capacity to show up for my loved ones back home. And the way God did a God thing and called for my faith and obedience was nothing like I had expected.
Within a month of being in Maryland, everything I envisioned had quickly begin to crumble to the point where I felt life was choking me and no one could see or hear my cries for help. I lost weight, I felt hopeless, and life just was not fulfilling. I knew people loved me and would show up for me but I could not feel their love and support. All I heard was that “you made this move thinking life was going to work out for you and look at you unhappy and heartbroken- you failed”. The voice of the enemy was so loud in my ear that I could hardly see that God was allowing things to happen. This was to show me the hearts of people, rid me of old habits and patterns, and bring me closer to Him to elevate me to my next. You see, I thought because my physical location changed, that I had entered my “new season”, but I was still in preparation. He was squeezing out those last few patterns, people, and behaviors from my life to align me for what He had for me.
Needless to say, at first, I struggled… in silence… again- allowing that cycle of isolation to repeat itself, but that’s another post for another day (stay tuned).
Life has a way of taking turns to ensure that you heal the very things you pray for. I was always the strong one for as long as I can remember. I did not talk much about what I was feeling or expressed my struggles or concerns because I felt it made me look weak, unvaluable, and even started to believe people genuinely did not care. Until I realized, that then trauma response, which turned to people pleasing lead me to ignore myself and what I was feeling- in essence I felt abandoned by people, when I was actually abandoning myself. (C’mon inner work- Shout out to my therapist!)
Even though life was kicking my butt, the people God sent to my life covered me in a way that I am DEEPLY grateful for daily. When I was not the most pleasant to be around, they were there. When I could not pray for myself, they kept me covered. When I cried, they sat by and listened. When I was struggling to eat, they would call and encourage me to at least have a snack. It was awe-inspiring to have people show up for me at a time where I felt I had lost my hope and abandoned myself.
Why am I telling you all this? Because just a few months ago, I was ready to throw in the towel BUT GOD! Not only did He turn my situation for my good, but my loved ones got to witness how my faith and obedience to His calling on my life shifted me from a “pit” into a space of peace and joy. Now it’s not just my word they have but the physical evidence of seeing where I was and where I am now.
No, life is exactly how I pictured it but everything I have to this day is an answered prayer. Just when I thought it was over, here comes God saying, “It’s not over until it’s good.”
Allow yourself to focus on what God called you to do. Outside of that nothing else matters. In this season He is “making” you. The pressing, the pruning, the stretching is only allowed to teach you how to endure all that life may throw at you. The things God is doing in your life is Kingdom business and you have to share it- whatever that looks like. You are the difference, my friend and people need to see it.
Love + Light
