In the Midst of Transition… Submit to the Process.

Life is really something, you know. As I move through this space of “active” transition, I get all the feels I felt as I assisted my grandparents with their transition from this Earth: Confusion, grief, relief, excitement, guilt, and finally peace.

Inhale the season you are in.

This thing call life is your greatest journey.

Just as it begins, yet does it end.

To be born: confusion, acceptance, excitement.

To pass on: confusion, acceptance, grief.

New adventures as inevitable as it is, feels much like the life cycle.

To begin a journey: Excitement, Discomfort, Success

To end a journey: Complacent, Discomfort, Submission

Exhale all that no longer serves you.

There is peace in the final destination.

As a caring and dedicated caregiver, I fully accepted the important role of taking care of my grandparents. I felt a strong sense of liability and was committed to shaping their lives, even if it affected my own well-being. Throughout this selfless journey, I worked hard to keep things the way they were by adopting their values and dreams. I stayed by their side as they came to terms with their fate, doing everything I could to maintain their peace and happiness. I later realized in my grieving process that I was not only operating out of a space of care, but a space of control.


While being a caregiver required big sacrifices, my faith grew stronger through it all. It became an unbreakable part of my experiences, reminding me that everything happens in God’s timing and in God’s way. As I faced each day with determination, devotion, and sometimes tears, I knew I was more than just a caregiver - I was being gracefully broken into a woman of pure love, strength, and faith.

As I navigate the “ghettos” of being an adult, I think about all the narratives in my life that I have tried to control. From school to career to love to friendships. In reflection, I’ve realized that submitting to the process is the only way to maintain my peace. If we’re honest, while we all have free choice and can choose whatever path we will take day by day, our destinies have already been written for us. There have been moments in my life where I have tried to go ahead of God, only to get knock back and experience things he may have never meant for me to know. This did not change the promise or “the end goal”, but it did give me perspective.

With my first two experience as a caregiver, I watched day by day each of my grandparents decline, I knew that time was coming, but I was not willing to accept to the fact that they would soon transition from this Earth. This caused me to venture into drinking excessively, being angry, shutting people out, and being closed off to love because I thought in all that I did as a caregiver, I could control how long before they’d transition, how people would feel and react, and how I would feel and react. The reality was and is that I am not God and that was never my position to uphold. So now I really find myself easing into the flow of life by first feeling my emotions then choosing to not allow what I feel reflect how I handle a situation by stepping outside of my emotions (detaching) and allowing my spirit to be led by God.

As I close, here’s a question to reflect on for your life: Are you letting God be God or are you trying to do His job for him? The obedience to believe is our job, but the outcome that’s His.

-Jae

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